you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
