her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
