Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
