New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
