i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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