its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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