you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
