I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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