I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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