She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
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constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
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found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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