i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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