all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Vodka?
Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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