i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
