you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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