Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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