he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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