If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
