bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
