"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
nutella sex= disaster
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
