erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
