If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
