Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
