She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
