Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
