You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You need Xanax blowdarts
There's a naked man in my car right now.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
