You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Pants are for mortals
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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