girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
