Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
