I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
