I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
