On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
