I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
