I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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