My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
