Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
