well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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