I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
