My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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