this boner is exhausting
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
