btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
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We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
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There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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