you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
