when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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