Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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