Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
