my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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