Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
