If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He better not be in your backpack
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
