I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
