Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
