your parents love me but you hate me
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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