i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
