pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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