i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
