I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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