How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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