Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I am naked and annoyed.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
