im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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