just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
