fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
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I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
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I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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