just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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