We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
