he thought i was a dude.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
