I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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